We Know a Lot About Children. Unfortunately, We Don’t Provide This Information Readily to Parents or Anyone for That Matter.

Along my parenting journey, I learned a few things that stopped me cold. They make so much sense, yet they are so unknown, that I have literally cried over it. If I ever have my way, I’ll be on a TEDx stage someday to shout this scientific evidence about how kids’ brains develop and how we should immediately change our beliefs about young children and do a 180 on our interactions with them. Here are my top two must-know:

Children Do Not Understand Contractions in Early Childhood

My read on it: Who hasn’t said or heard a parent say to a child something along the lines of, “I told you not to jump, and you jumped anyway! You’re (fill in the blank – “disobedient,” “disrespectful,” “defiant,”) and in big trouble!

Well, come to find out, what the parent more likely said to the child was, “Don’t jump on that!” However, what the child heard was, “Jump on that!”

No kidding, little kids don’t understand our negative contractions, so their brains just ignore them.

So drop the don’t, won’t, and can’t and replace them with stop. When your young child does something you specifically told them not to do, double-check that the child understood you correctly by stating it another way. They deserve the benefit of the doubt, because there’s actually no doubt about it - here’s the scientific data to back them up:

Shocked father and mother looking at their little naughty daughter jumping on armchair in the kitchen
Language Acquisition

During early childhood (typically up to around age 5), children are rapidly developing their language skills. This includes learning grammar, vocabulary, and the nuances of how words and sentences are structured.

Contractions

Contractions like "don't," "can't," and "won't" are common in spoken English. However, they are slightly more complex for children to grasp because they combine two words into one, often involving the negation "not."

Early Understanding

Very young children (under age 3) might struggle with contractions and negations. At this stage, they are still learning to understand that "don't" means "do not" and carries a negative command. Instead of processing the contraction as a single unit with its meaning, they might focus on the more familiar part of the word, like "jump," especially if they're distracted or not paying full attention.

Developmental Progression

As children get older (around ages 3–4), they typically begin to understand contractions better. However, their interpretation of sentences is also influenced by context, tone of voice, and the emphasis placed on different words. By the time they reach school age, most children have a good grasp of contractions and negation, though they might still make mistakes occasionally.

Source: The data on language development is a general synthesis of knowledge derived by ChatGPT from childhood development sources, including:

  • Clark, E. V. (2009). First Language Acquisition. Cambridge University Press.
  • Hoff, E. (2013). Language Development (5th ed.). Wadsworth Publishing.
  • McNeill, D. (1970). The development of language in early childhood. Science, 167(3926), 161-167.
  • Thornton, R., & Crain, S. (1994). Successful negative islands without grammatical constraints. Language Acquisition, 3(2), 91-117.
  • Ambridge, B., & Rowland, C. F. (2013). Experimental methods in studying child language acquisition. Wiley Interdisciplinary Reviews: Cognitive Science, 4(2), 149-168.
  • American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA). Language Development in Children.
  • Harvard University Center on the Developing Child. Five Numbers to Remember About Early Childhood Development.
Happy young Latin mother and little son having fun on cozy couch in living room, overjoyed mum and preschool child tickling, cuddling, enjoying leisure time together,

Brain Wave Frequencies in Children: Hear Ye, Hear Ye, adults really are programming children!

My read on it: If you want to know why childhood experiences are so deeply embedded in our psyches and require much effort to surface, process, and heal, look no further than the scientifically proven frequency of children’s brain waves. To sum it up, children birth to 5, and to some extent, up to 8 years old, are walking around in a deeper-than-hypnotic state.

Basically, everything they experience goes straight into their brains without any filter or critical reasoning skills. That angry outburst you had in which you called a child an idiot, yes, that’s now embedded into that child’s self-image. He believes he is an idiot, and he will act that out until, God-willing, the universe provides an opportunity to root it out. Shame on you.

That’s why it is so important to exercise extreme care in how you interact with a child. Not only are children innocent, they are mentally and emotionally defenseless. Be circumspect and responsible for the effect of your energy on children. Here’s the data:

Delta Waves (0.5 to 4 Hz)

Overview: Delta waves are the slowest brain waves and are most dominant during deep sleep for adults.

Children's Brain Activity: From birth to five, children’s brains are predominantly in delta waves, especially up to three years old. This state of mind is not limited to sleep, but is also a significant part of brain activity while awake. This is a natural part of early brain development. This is why young children cannot process information in the same way as older children or adults, as their brain activity is still in a very foundational stage of development.

In children aged 0–5, the dominance of delta waves indicates that their brains are in a highly receptive state. This means that the experiences they have, especially those involving caregivers and significant adults, are absorbed deeply and with little conscious filtering. At this stage, children are not yet equipped with the cognitive tools to critically evaluate or process these experiences, as older children or adults might.
This is why early childhood experiences can form deep-seated beliefs and emotions and share their identity in powerful ways, influencing, even into adulthood, often without conscious awareness, their behavior, emotional responses, and relationships throughout their life.

By understanding that young children are highly impressionable and that their early experiences are laying the groundwork for their future selves, adults can make more informed choices in how they communicate, discipline, and nurture young children. This awareness can lead to more supportive and positive interactions that help build a strong, healthy foundation for the child’s self-image and emotional well-being.

Theta Waves (4 to 8 Hz)

Overview: Theta waves are associated with light sleep, deep relaxation, and meditative states. They are also linked to creativity, intuition, and daydreaming.

Children's Brain Activity: As children grow older, typically after age 5, there is a gradual shift from delta dominance to the prominence of theta waves and eventually to alpha and beta waves as they engage in more complex cognitive tasks, learning, and social interactions.

Theta waves can begin to dominate as early as 3 to 6 years old. This is often referred to as the "imagination" or "dreamy" stage, where children are highly imaginative, and their minds are more flexible and open to learning. Theta activity remains strong during early childhood and gradually decreases as they grow older.

Alpha Waves (8 to 12 Hz)

Overview: Alpha waves are associated with relaxed, calm, and peaceful states of mind, typically observed when eyes are closed or during light meditation.

Children's Brain Activity: Alpha waves begin to increase in children as they reach around age 7 and continue to grow through adolescence. They are associated with states of relaxation and focused attention, such as when children are quietly engaged in activities like reading or drawing.

Beta Waves (12 to 30 Hz)

Overview: Beta waves are linked to active thinking, concentration, and problem-solving. They are most dominant when the brain is fully awake and engaged in cognitive tasks.

Children's Brain Activity: Beta waves start to become more prominent as children enter school age and continue to develop through adolescence. They are associated with alertness, focus, and active mental engagement in learning and social interactions.

Gamma Waves (30 to 100 Hz)

Overview: Gamma waves are the fastest brain waves and are associated with high-level cognitive functioning, including processing information, memory recall, and perception.

Children's Brain Activity: Gamma waves are less understood in children but are believed to be linked to higher mental processes. They become more prominent as cognitive functions develop, particularly in adolescence.

Source: The data on brain waves is a general synthesis of knowledge derived by ChatGPT from neuroscience and developmental psychology, including:

  • Principles of Neural Science, by Eric Kandel et al.
  • The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are by Daniel J. Siegel
  • Thatcher, R. W. (1992). Cyclic cortical reorganization during early childhood. Brain and Cognition, 20(1), 24-50.
  • Tierney, A. L., & Nelson, C. A. (2009). Brain development and the role of experience in the early years. Zero to Three, 30(2), 9–13.